Jasmine Hart

Hi, I'd cut the first stanza because the imagery is a bit weak and it's not as tight as it should be. I think it would be stronger if you ...

Hi, The tones here are great, they really complement the piece. "And be ashamed of this daughter of mine" is great. I'd add more specific imagery to the third stanza ...

Hi, I loved loved loved this! It is haunting and beautiful, your imagery is great, I love the alliteration and it flows perfectly. I especially loved the first three and ...

Hi, I love the final stanza. The imagery is great and it flows very nicely, and I enjoyed your alliteration in the second stanza. I'd cut "silently" from the first ...

Hi, I like your use of couplets here, it makes this very easy to read. I'd cut vague statements like "cold and full of hate"-instead, describe it in detail. What ...

Ahh I'm so annoyed my internet was down for this! :(

Hi, I really like the idea behind this, and the layout works very nicely. I love the first two lines of stanzas two and three. I kept expecting this to ...

Thanks guys. :)

Sounds great. :)

Hi, You express yourself beautifully. I absolutely adored "The weather; cruel and pretty". "Wind lifted and twisted its path" is really great. I'd change the last line of this stanza ...

Hi, This has a great energy to it, and I really love; "Fresh cut grass is all around, spectacular greens. Can you smell it, too? Oh, how I want to ...

Hi, The first two lines are really great. They drew me in and flow very well. I'd change; "I watched the rattle tap lighly on the ground (should be "lightly") ...

Hi, This is really lovely. It flows nicely and the pattern works well. I loved; "I think about the things, bad things that go wrong. But I refuse to dream ...

Hi, This flows really nicely but I think you're being restricted by the rhyme, for example; "It all flows like ribbons and bows. But there’s a catch in the seam; ...

Oh ya, that would work. Will hopefully post tommorow.